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Almacen - comments(0) - email
Friday March 6, 2009 - 5:10AM EDT
Went to an Argentinian Mexican restaurant tonight. Had the mixed grill plate. Was a solid offering. It was a good restaurant would go back there again.Sun - comments(0) - email
Thursday March 5, 2009 - 8:40PM EDT
Sun has been a blog entry title too many times. Doesn't matter can't think of anything right now.MET - comments(0) - email
Tuesday March 3, 2009 - 1:17AM EDT
I went to the MET yesterday for the first time. That place is huge. I don't often take time to look at paintings and other art. It impresses me. I was glad I went. I need to go there again sometime.Early - comments(0) - email
Friday February 27, 2009 - 4:40AM EDT
I used to be one to go to bed at 5am now I get up at 5am and like it. I have to wake up early, I don't like going into work late at all. I like getting there early when there is no one there and no ambient cube noise. I think my knees were hurting because I was going too hard on the bike at the gym. I wasn't even going that hard, but enough to make my knees hurt apparently.Damn I lead a lonely life. I'm sure it is not the loneliest but as it continues I don't know whether I get used to it or it just slowly chips away at me that I care less.
I'm tired.
garage music - comments(0) - email
Monday February 23, 2009 - 11:05AM EDT
Today is going to be rough.It is already. It may get worse before it gets better.Knees - comments(0) - email
Monday February 23, 2009 - 4:46AM EDT
My knees hurt. Not sure why though. It is a dull pain. I am not in the best ways right now. I'm a solitary person but sometimes it grates on me. I am very up and down right now, but that is just typical me. It seems like a big hinderance that I can never find a lasting levelness. There have been times for sure where I've been level for a while but it always comes crashing down, for reasons that make no sense, reasons that I don't understand or recognize.I do know one thing though, and that is that I love her. I thought I was in love once a long time ago, but that wasn't it, I don't know what that was.This is different, but it doesn't feel whole yet and I recognize that. I feel something growing and intense. I still have questions about the future but this I know is real. I'm so inexperienced here though, much farther behind than I want to be. I trying to overcome that and learn. I desperately want to be and am trying to become the best I can for her.
Honestly I don't know what love is or what it implies when you are with someone. I know what I feel and have clues but I'm not sure. I know that I think about her a lot, about how she is doing. I know that I just want to be around her and talk to her. I know that I want to see her progress and become better. Aging together sounds like a pretty good deal. When I think of a life with her I lose my fears about death and getting old. I think time spent with her would be a pretty damn good existence. I feel like with her I could find a level of peace and contentedness that I've never known. She would make the mundane things that I hate in life more bearable. I don't know what else. Are all these things just a diluted fantasy? I fantasize a lot and I know fantasy. This is different, I think about what it could be like but those thoughts are based on a feeling that is tangible.
Real love should be shared, reciprocated. I'm not in that place to do that now, don't know if I will get that chance again. I need to work on myself and trust what I feel don't let my mind games get in the way.
It is like I am starting over again, like I've been redone into something else. My mind is different. I think it was gradual but at the same time the shift was sudden. I don't know what changed inside me that I feel this way now. It just happened, but also I feel like I made a choice, as if I saw something or recognized something and decided that this was it, she was it. I know that I love her and it is not going to disappear.